Have you ever felt judged by others (at work or elsewhere) because of beliefs you hold, or actions you choose to take, or because of an aspect of your identity? Have you ever heard yourself be lumped in with a group that’s being discussed, without anyone else in the conversation knowing you’re part of thatContinue reading “People Aren’t Debatable”
Category Archives: Open-Ended Questions
Solving for Now or Solving for the Future?
When was the last time someone shared a frustration with you? How did you respond? Were they looking for help/advice, or did they just want to be heard? Sometimes it can be hard to know without asking. Working with groups on practicing difficult conversations, many facilitators start with the skill of acknowledgement. Acknowledgement focuses onContinue reading “Solving for Now or Solving for the Future?”
“Where Are You From, Where Are Your People From?”
When meeting someone for the first time – knowing that you’ll be working with them for a while – what are your go-to opening lines in conversation? Do you ask where they live, what they do for work, how has their day been so far…? I recently learned from some acquaintances who moved from theContinue reading ““Where Are You From, Where Are Your People From?””
What is Cooperative Overlap? Isn’t It Just Interrupting?
Cooperative Overlap (or Collaborative Overlap) is a term coined by Georgetown University professor of linguistics and author Deborah Tannen, in which the listener starts talking along with the speaker, not to cut them off but rather to validate or show they’re engaged in what the other person is saying. In conversations, do you have aContinue reading “What is Cooperative Overlap? Isn’t It Just Interrupting?”
Choosing to Stay Confronted in Conversations About Race
How often are you involved in conversations about racism, marginalization, colonialism, and/or other issues related to race? Perhaps these are conversations about systemic issues, or perhaps they reflect personal lived experiences. Often these topics are not an explicit part of the conversation, they are under the surface – not necessarily unacknowledged, but unnamed nonetheless. ExplicitContinue reading “Choosing to Stay Confronted in Conversations About Race”
Has Your Brain Tricked You into Believing Everything is Worse?
The age-old saying “the grass is always greener on the other side” is a proverb about envy and perspective, but there’s also a logical reason behind the phrase. Stand on a lawn and look down, and you see all the spaces between blades of grass; the brown soil and dirt underneath, which balance out theContinue reading “Has Your Brain Tricked You into Believing Everything is Worse?”
How to Give Feedback without Triggering the Fight or Flight Response
If you’re a parent, bring to mind the characteristics you see in your children that come from you – physical/character traits, or phrases they’ve learned up from hearing you say them over the course of years. Needless to say, your child is their own person; they are not you, but they are an expression ofContinue reading “How to Give Feedback without Triggering the Fight or Flight Response”
Hearing vs. Fixing: Are You Supporting How They Want to be Supported?
Have you ever shared a frustration, a sadness, or some other strong emotion with someone, only for that person to jump right into “fixing” mode? Or maybe even tell you why you shouldn’t feel that way? Maybe they even agree with you, but somehow their agreement feels diminishing of your own experience in some way.Continue reading “Hearing vs. Fixing: Are You Supporting How They Want to be Supported?”
Using the “Whoa Test” in Everyday Conversations
Are you familiar with deepfakes? These are manipulated videos using AI technology to make a person appear to do or say something they did not, and they are more than just convincingly believable – it takes active disbelief in what your eyes are seeing to know that some deepfakes are in fact, fake. And deepfakeContinue reading “Using the “Whoa Test” in Everyday Conversations”
Keeping Faith in Authenticity
Formal, structured conversations have a particular feeling unlike any other. Think of job interviews. How many have you been a part of – either as the interviewee or one of the interviewers? Remember the tension in the air? The desire to impress? The fear of screwing up? In the executive coaching work I do, role-playsContinue reading “Keeping Faith in Authenticity”
Building Bridges Leadership 