Chocolate or vanilla? Which ice cream would you choose? Many of us would know our answer (even if it’s “I want non-dairy” or “no ice cream for me”). But of course, sometimes choices aren’t so easy to make – and sometimes, a choice isn’t a choice after all – it’s a responsibility, a commitment, or a necessity.
Recently I had the chance to facilitate a day-long program for a group of EMTs who had recently started their training, along with their captains and division chiefs. The group instantly struck me as different than many others I work with: their captain lined them up in a grid formation within 30 seconds of getting off their bus. As they stood perfectly spaced and hands behind their backs, my co-facilitator and I welcomed them with a “Good morning,” to which they responded in unison with the most synchronized “Good morning!” I’ve ever heard.
The group soon settled in to some activities that helped them to learn more about their teammates, with some problem-solving and story-sharing. In an effort to have everyone included on a level playing field, I tend to refer to everyone by their first name, but when referring to the captain by her first name in front of the group, she quickly corrected me: “Captain.” Sure enough, throughout the day, people referred to each other as “Cadet [x]” or “Captain [y].” While a key component of my work as a facilitator is about breaking down traditional hierarchies of power to encourage everyone’s voice to be heard, in this group it was clear that the hierarchy was a fundamental piece of the training they were going through. And once it became clear to me why, I’ve thought differently about a lot of things.
As we made our way through the day and into the high ropes course portion of the program, my co-facilitator and I talked, as we usually do, about the ideas of Comfort Zone / Challenge Zone / Panic Zone, and our philosophy of “Challenge by Choice,” which allows individuals to choose their own level of participation and risk in an activity, rather than coercing anyone to do something they don’t want to do. This is very common in experiential learning settings (you may have heard a variation of it yourself), and I’ve always appreciated the agency it gives the participants to ‘choose their own adventure.’ So I was taken aback when the captain stepped in to say that that would not be the case today – in this group, everyone was required to climb.
The difference between this group and most others we work with, she explained, both in front of and to the group, was that as EMTs, they will get a call to go into a situation that might be terrifying, that might be dangerous, that might be something that stays with them for life, and they won’t have a choice about whether to go or not – they will have to go. If they don’t, people might (and will) die. And the people they are helping should be able to expect the same level of care, regardless of which EMTs are helping them. So they would be climbing the high ropes course element, whether they wanted to or not. They could choose how high to push themselves (with, it has to be said, some significant pressure to push a little higher than that), but going at all was not their choice.
I came away from that moment a little shook – and not in a bad way. I suddenly saw the world, and the work I do in it, a little differently. “Challenge by Choice,” as foundational as it is to experiential education, is a luxury, not a right. And while I have a great deal of autonomy to choose my level of challenge in so many ways, I (and all of us) rely on those who don’t to help me in the worst moments of life. I left the program feeling profoundly grateful for that group of people, for the work they do and will do, and for the work I get to do.
Of course, this may not be eye-opening to you at all – especially if you or a loved one has ever worked in emergency services or served in the military, but as we approach the holidays and the closing of the year, I’m noticing more and more my own ability to choose, and how I approach the things where I have no choice, as well as appreciating those who have less choice than I do. I invite you to do the same.
This Week’s Tips:
- Notice your choices. Be on the lookout for choices you make each day. In 2018, Psychology Today looked into the research that the “average person” makes 35,000 decisions each day – they questioned that number, but nonetheless agreed that the number of decisions we make each day is staggeringly high – way more than you might think. Most of these, of course, are subconscious choices that keep us safe and somewhat on auto-pilot, but if you start to pay attention to your choices, you’ll see that you make more than you might usually be aware of, and even the consequential decisions you make probably aren’t life-and-death in the same way as with EMTs.
- Notice how you approach it when you have no choice. When you have no choice, do you approach your actions as a simple obligation? 25 years ago(!) I contributed personal stories to Bobbi DePorter’s book “The 8 Keys of Excellence“. Amongst keys like Integrity, Flexibility, Failure Leads to Success, Speak with Good Purpose, Commitment, Ownership,and Balance is the key of This Is It! This Is Itsimply means being present to your present situation and treating it like that is all there is right now – which might translate to making the most of every moment and giving it your best effort, whether you chose it or not. Of course, this might seem like a platitude that is a nice idea but impossible to implement; I have found over the years, though, that trying on an attitude of This Is Ithas helped me through some pretty trying situations.
- Appreciate and support those with less choice than you. This could take several forms. You might choose to write notes of gratitude or give gifts to those you know who have less choice (ideally, meet their love language, not yours – acts of service or time together might be more meaningful than a wrapped present, in which, ironically, you might not be giving them a choice). Although GivingTuesday has passed, you might also consider giving to non-profits – especially those that serve people who have less choice than you (if you’d like a suggestion, Victory Programs, Inc. serves individuals and families in crisis with shelter, sustenance, recovery, care, and professional, compassionate support, and is running a 50th anniversary campaign until the end of December).
Try these out this week, and let us know how it goes. We’d love to hear from you!
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Building Bridges Leadership 