“I Wonder…”

Photo credit: Brad Switzer / Unsplash

How often have you been involved in a conversation where someone (perhaps you) moves quickly to problem-solving, and in doing so, they treat the presenting symptoms of the situation while missing the underlying cause of the problem? You might even find that in many cases you’re rewarded for coming up with an apparent solution! If you’re a manager – someone who’s stereotypically adept at solutioning – that might have even helped you become a leader of others. But sooner or later, the bill comes due, and the underlying cause of the problem rears its head again, whether for you or for someone who’s taken over now you’ve been promoted. Or perhaps the person who initially presented the problem to you doesn’t feel listened to, which in turn can lead to larger issues like resentment, quiet quitting, and resignation.

Of course I’m oversimplifying here, but the truth remains – we often move forward with more certainty than is warranted. Most of the time, that serves us well. But when it doesn’t, it really doesn’t. And oftentimes, other peoples’ perspectives get overlooked as a result.

We’ve posted many times about the value of open-ended questions in seeking to understand more about a situation before moving forward with a solution, but even then, we often skip a valuable step between questioning and solutioning: the step of wondering.

Recently I worked with a team where I overheard a conversation between a manager and their direct report. The context appeared to be that the direct report had deferred something to the manager in a meeting rather than addressing it himself, which had the impact of lessening his own standing among the group and appearing that he was less prepared than he actually was. At one point in the feedback conversation, the manager posed a question with a genuinely curious tone: “I wonder how you might have handled that situation if I wasn’t there?”

In asking this “I wonder” question, what struck me was that there was no right or wrong answer. I heard the direct report share a few ideas, and the manager asked a couple more coaching-style questions about what the results of those approaches might have been – without any judgement. When the direct report sounded like he’d settled on an approach he would take if the manager wasn’t there, her next question to him was, “So just as a thought experiment, I wonder what it would look like if you took that approach even if I was in the room?”

The series of questions walked the perfect balance of inviting and curious, while also gently guiding the direct report in a direction that left them feeling empowered and equipped.

“I wonder” is a phrase I’ve used to start reflection questions for a decade or more, and I’ve noticed this phrase being used in education, in faith communities, and in workplaces. It brings with it a sense of humility – a ‘none of us knows the perfect answer, but let’s explore together’ sense of community which reflects potluck leadership or Thanksgiving leadership more so than the top-down model of banquet leadership. Of course, the idea of wonder itself is foundational to the Socratic method (Socrates himself said “Wonder is the beginning of wisdom”), so this is by no means new in any way, but still, I wonder (haha) what could happen if we could all try using “I wonder” inquiry with our teams this week…

This Week’s Tip:

Try spending more time in the space of wonder and inquiry, and be intentional about using “I wonder” thought experiments in conversations throughout your day, both at work and outside of work. Doing so might help you to explore different perspectives, and hear ideas that you might not think of yourself. It might also help you slow down and find out more about the underlying conditions beneath the presenting symptoms.

Try this out this week, and let us know how it goes! We’d love to hear from you.

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