My mom, Barbara Jackson, died last week after living with Motor Neurone Disease / ALS. How long she lived with it is somewhat unclear, as is sadly the case with many people with this disease; she was diagnosed only nine months ago, but many symptoms overlap with other conditions and she displayed some of those symptoms over the course of a few years. As she reached the end of her life and she focused on making sure we left nothing unsaid, I reflected on the impact she had on my life in a way I never had before. While she wasn’t directly involved in Building Bridges Leadership in the way that my mother-in-law and mentor Rosemary was, my mom’s role in my work stretches back for decades, and was truly foundational to my life. She didn’t mentor me or offer suggestions because she didn’t need to; along with my dad, she raised me. She instilled in me these things over the course of a lifetime. Simply put, I wouldn’t be doing the work I do without my mom’s influence.
She was masterful at building connections; she could make a new friend at the drop of a hat – I remember many times of being out with her somewhere and wondering where she went, only to discover she was laughing with a stranger and learning their life story. She taught me to value both what makes a person unique and also what we have in common. She cared about people’s mental health, and treated everyone as better than their worst mistakes. She sought to hear and understand different perspectives. She cared about the local community where she lived for the last 45 years of her life: she raised money to rebuild the dilapidated village hall which now hosts community events every day. She raised money for breast cancer research, and also was a key part of her local community’s women’s group, organizing community-wide events open to all. She cared equally about the friends who lived thousands of miles and an ocean away; friends she had known and treasured for 70+ years (I discovered recently that one of her closest friendships even predates her – both her dad and her friend’s dad had become friends with each other when they themselves were five years old!). And she was an amazing grandmother; even though her grandkids lived 3,000 miles away, she made sure that my kids knew her as well as if they lived in the next town over.
But I’m not just writing this to let you know how wonderful my mom was (for the record, she was). I’m writing this because I hadn’t realized quite how much she impacted the work I do until recently – it was a blind spot for me even while it was certainly obvious to so many around me.
I wonder who was foundational for you in the work you do?
This Week’s Tip:
Consider who has had a foundational impact on your work and career – not just the specific job you do, but what you care about that is under the surface of both your work and the rest of your life. If possible, reach out to those people, and let them know the specific impact they’ve made on your life.
- Take time to reflect on, and write down, the people who’ve influenced or impacted you. Many of us have had formal or informal teachers or mentors, and those come easily to mind. But these could also be people you’ve never interacted with in a formal role, but who have made a significant and lasting difference in your life. Write their names, and take time to jot notes on the specific ways they have impacted you: passions or skills they have passed along to you; how they have shaped your views; choices they have helped you to make without their knowledge.
- Let them know the difference they’ve made. This may come in the form of a phone call, a handwritten note, an in-person visit, or a personal gift; think about which form of communication would be meaningful to them – this might be different than what would be meaningful to you. Let them know the specific impact they’ve had on you. If this isn’t possible, find some way to mark their impact just for yourself – you might write them a note even if you can never give it to them, visit their grave if they’ve passed away (or let their family know the impact they had on you), or you could speak out loud at home as if you were speaking to them (zinnias make great listeners!).
Try these out this week, and let us know how it goes. We’d love to hear from you!
If you’d like to make a donation to the Motor Neurone Disease Association in Barbara Jackson’s name, visit her Just Giving page.
You can subscribe to our feed here, or sign up for our weekly newsletter to get these articles directly in your inbox.
Building Bridges Leadership 