Have you ever received a message from someone at work and interpreted the tone as angry, terse, or upset, leaving you stewing for days over what you did that caused that response, or how your reputation or relationships might be damaged as a result? On the flip side, have you ever sent a quick text or an email to someone, only to discover that they interpreted it completely differently than you intended? I know I have. If you have too, Trevor Noah has a tip that might be helpful.
For what it’s worth, I have drafted (but not published) a number of pieces inspired by Trevor Noah’s work as a comedian, writer, and political commentator over the years. He is someone who consistently – and very intentionally – exposes himself to people, cultures, and ideologies different than his own in order to seek understanding of different perspectives, and then shares those experiences with others through his work. His autobiography Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood was an incredible (and hilarious) look at growing up biracial in pre- and post-apartheid South Africa. His choice to leave The Daily Show was not based on ‘creative differences’ or low ratings, but because he wanted to leave while he still loved it; So many people, he says, wait until they hate their job to move on, at which point they’ll take anything they can get out of desperation. His farewell speech was covered widely for his praise and gratitude towards the Black women who taught (and continue to teach) him – “If you truly want to learn about [the current state of] America, talk to Black women.” It also encouraged viewers to seek out people with different world views than their own, and find shared viewpoints and experiences – a perfect summation of much of Building Bridges Leadership’s own work in Unique Diversity and Diverse Unity. His podcast series What Now? with Trevor Noah features long-form conversations with CEOs, actors, athletes, and thought leaders, with open-ended questions inviting reflection, introspection, and nuanced conversation.
Back to the issue of interpreting tone, though: the latest episode of What Now? included an aside that addresses that issue head-on. A relaxed conversation with fellow South African TV hosts Anele Mdoda and Sizwe Dhlomo, the three friends talk about when the intentions of messages they write are misunderstood by the reader, and Noah offers an interesting tip that might be helpful for many of us: “That’s why I think a ratio of messaging people should be one voice note for every four texts. You have to recalibrate and make [sure] everybody understand[s] your tone.” Many people do that without trying, he points out – if not by voice notes, then by seeing someone in person, on video chat, or by phone – but for those of us who rely heavily on text-based communication, I wonder if this might be a helpful tool to recalibrate every now and then to make sure our messages are being interpreted the way we intend. As my friend Alesia Latson at LeadvantEdge often points out, the root of the word “communication” is “commune,” meaning “to be of one accord” – but this can only happen if both sides of a communication are interpreting it the same way.
This Week’s Tip:
- Work on finding a good rhythm of text and voice communication – especially with your direct reports. Voice notes may not be the most natural option for you (and/or one-to-four may not feel like the right rhythm for you), but if you work in the same building, brief informal drop-ins can help ensure that your last few written communications are interpreted in the way you intended. If you’re seeing your direct report soon in a scheduled meeting, take ten seconds just to ask if your message to them made sense. Over time, these check-ins may build your emotional intelligence to pick up on social cues you might have missed in the past, allowing you to recalibrate further as needed.
- Ask for the same rhythm from those to whom you report, or simply build it yourself. This could mean stopping by their office after every few written communications from them, or picking up the phone for a quick call to confirm your understanding. This may seem redundant, annoying, or time-consuming at first, but if you stick with the habit it can build shared understanding, and deeper communication.
Try these out this week, and let us know how it goes! We’d love to hear from you.
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