Solving for Now or Solving for the Future?

When was the last time someone shared a frustration with you? How did you respond? Were they looking for help/advice, or did they just want to be heard? Sometimes it can be hard to know without asking.

Working with groups on practicing difficult conversations, many facilitators start with the skill of acknowledgement. Acknowledgement focuses on restating or reframing what they said so that they know you were actively listening to them. It also gives them a chance to hear back what they said in someone else’s voice, which can allow them space to dig deeper and explore further beyond their initial comments. In practicing this with clients, dozens upon dozens of people have told me that they both a) Really appreciate learning this simple skill, and b) Find it immensely challenging because they are prone to jumping to solutions. They are problem-solving people, as so many of us are – perhaps you are too?

So when we get beyond acknowledgement and deeper into asking open-ended questions, advocacy, and developing concrete steps for the future, these problem-solving people are thrilled! After all, problem-solving has served them well in their life and career, and helped them get to where they are now. But it quickly becomes apparent when we practice these conversations that most of us fall into one or other of two categories: solving for now, or solving for the future.

Using an example of a younger BIPOC employee sharing that they feel that they’re treated differently from their white colleagues, for example, people tend to respond in one of two ways. In solving for now, we respond with thoughts or questions about concrete next steps for the coming hours/days/weeks: ways that the employee can advocate for themselves, and ways that the listener can advocate for them also. In solving for the future, we respond with thoughts or questions about big picture changes, often systemic in nature, which will take place over a sustained period of time: their comments might be reflective of necessary changes in HR processes, hiring, training, etc. But it’s rare that I hear anyone respond in a way that holds both now and the future. Leaders often lean towards supporting the individual in the short-term (the social leader), or influencing the organization in the long-term (the task leader).

When you find yourself leaning one way or the other, what if you reminded yourself that it’s possible to do both?

This Week’s Tip:

• If you find yourself solving for now: Also ask open-ended exploratory questions to gather more data about how this one situation is reflective of longer-term systemic issues that need to be addressed. If this is in response to something someone has shared with you, ask if they are okay with you sharing their experience with others (perhaps anonymously) to learn whether others’ experiences are similar. Plan a check-in a month or two from now to gather any new insights and share any plans to begin addressing wider issues.
• If you find yourself solving for the future: Also ask open-ended exploratory questions to explore concrete next steps for the person in front of you. Don’t assume that they want your help and don’t assume you should be the one to fix their problems (if you’re white, be especially wary of this: white people – especially white men – tend to assume the patronizing role of “white savior” rather than advocate). The person in front of you has agency; don’t take that away from them. Instead give them space to see the path in front of them, and ask if and how they would appreciate your support. Offer to check in with them in the coming days/weeks, and follow through on that offer.

Try these out this week, and let us know how it goes! We’d love to hear from you.

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