How often do you hear a recording of your voice and think “That doesn’t sound like me!”? Or see a video of yourself and just cringe and turn it off? Perhaps you even remember the first time you heard your voice on a recording and realized that your voice sounds different to other people than it does in your head – it’s a vivid memory for a surprising number of people.
We are intuitively programmed to be self-critical; to notice faults and mistakes we make – we think it motivates us to improve, but our inner critic usually has the opposite effect. We can spiral into self-doubt and notice more of our faults than our strengths and successes. But it is possible to identify specific things that you did well. Actionable, repeatable feedback for yourself. Training yourself to notice and articulate what you did well in a difficult situation is a huge step forward in growth and development.
Naturally as people watch themselves back – even with the instruction to focus on what they did well – they notice the things they would do differently if faced with the same situation again. Again, you can focus on saying those in actionable, repeatable terms. General terms like “that was awful,” “you were great!”, “amazing job,” “I was bad at that,” etc. do little beyond some surface level praise or hurt. Such comments do nothing to help anyone repeat what they did well, or improve on ways they missed the mark. (Generally speaking, any comment to someone that begins with “You are…” can be more confusing than helpful – and not just in the workplace).
Instead, think of some other, more specific feedback that is actionable and repeatable. Some examples I’ve heard recently from people I’ve worked with: “I listened well to the other person’s concerns, and restated them in a way that left them feeling acknowledged and respected.”; “If I were in this situation again, I would ask them to tell me more about how their experience plays out on a daily basis.”; “I asked my direct report for their ideas – many of them were similar to mine, but because they got to share them, they kept their agency instead of me taking it away by telling them what to do.”; “The customer story you told really helped the audience to understand the impact of the project.”
As a highly-driven workhorse musician, Prince engaged in this process on a daily basis beginning in the early 1980s. Almost every concert of his was filmed; not necessarily for release, but for his and his band’s review. He would watch back the concert immediately following the show (or, in many cases, after the two-hour “aftershow” jam performance he would regularly play in a small club to let off steam and play new material following an arena or stadium show). As the photo from 1993 at the top of this piece shows, he sat close to the screen, watching the whole show and occasionally rewinding to watch the last 30 seconds again. He was looking for specific things that he and his band did well, or could improve upon. Repeatable, actionable feedback.
This Week’s Tip:
- If you have video footage of you in a work situation, take time to look over it this week, and look for specific, actionable, repeatable things you did well. You will undoubtedly find things you would want to improve or change also; keep this to specific, actionable feedback as described above.
- Whether or not you have any video footage of you in a work situation, ask a trusted colleague or friend if you could record a practice conversation – the kind of conversation that might come up in meetings with your direct report, your manager, or a peer. It will feel awkward at first, but after a few minutes (or the next time you do it) you’ll settle into it. Then watch it back; again, look for specific, actionable feedback, and focus on what you did well (you’ll inevitably notice ways to improve also).
Try these out this week, and let us know how it goes. We’d love to hear from you!
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Building Bridges Leadership 