When you meet someone for the first time and they ask what you do for work, how do you reply? If you’re like the majority of people, you might reply with an approximate job title and the organization you work for. “I’m a manager at [x] pharmaceuticals,” “I’m a software engineer at [y],” or “I’m a high school English teacher” – the kinds of things you’ve heard hundreds, or maybe thousands, of times in your life. I’ve always done this too, even when the job category doesn’t neatly encompass my work – “I’m a facilitator and executive coach” and “I’m a leadership consultant” have been phrases I’ve used over the years, even while my work straddles the worlds of facilitation, training, coaching, consulting, program management, content creation, curriculum development, and so much more. The title you give when introducing yourself also hides behind it a multitude of roles and responsibilities which might come out as the conversation progresses.
But quite often, the conversation doesn’t progress, for a multitude of reasons. Maybe one of those is that our job descriptions can serve as a shorthand. We think we know what the other person means when they describe their role. I met someone for the first time this week who described himself as a “software and technology consultant”; we didn’t talk in much detail about what that meant, and it was only later that I realized I had some assumptions about what that work would involve and what his day-to-day looked like, which were not in fact based on anything he’d said.
Recently I attended a workshop by Matt Church, author and founder of Thought Leaders Business School, that challenged us to consider the way we describe ourselves (especially those of us who are self-employed and always looking to build more business). The contention – that seems borne out by experience – is that we usually describe what we do by our mode, rather than our message. In other words, we talk about how we deliver, rather than what we deliver – let alone why.
When we start with our mode, the conversation can end quickly. If I say “I’m a facilitator and executive coach,” that can be the end of the conversation unless the other person has a work situation they’d like to talk through. But when I’ve switched to saying, “I help teams and team leaders learn how to bring out the best in each other, work more effectively together, and deal with challenges in new ways,” the natural response from the listener is to ask, “How do you do that?” Then I can get into the various ways that takes place as a conversation. Curiosity builds engagement, conversation becomes more collaborative, and yes, this creates more openings for people to see ways for professional connection. After all, who doesn’t want to work more effectively as a team?
“Lead with message, lag with mode” was the phrase Church used; the mode with which you deliver your work has an important place – it brings your message to a more concrete ground level – but that can come after your message, which we often miss altogether. Many of us don’t talk about what it is we’re actually achieving in our work. This is related to the “…so that…” effect of our work I wrote about a few weeks ago – “I do [job] so that… [team members are more fulfilled in their roles and don’t leave the company / $300,000 revenue is generated this quarter / customers receive the orders quicker and we get higher customer satisfaction numbers, etc.]” The more you are able to tease out your “so that…”, the more that helps you to be clear on your message. And – surprise, surprise! – not only could this help others be interested in your work, it might also help you feel more inspired by your own work as well!
This Week’s Tips:
- Work on crafting your “message.” Why do you do what you do? What does that make possible for your organization, its customers, its clients? To help you get there, you might be helped by thinking about your “mode” – how you do what you do – and then put that aside to make sure you don’t use that. Instead, think more about your “so that…”, saving your mode for the follow-up question of “How do you do that?”
- When someone next asks you what you do for work, try leading with message, and lagging with mode. This might feel uncomfortable the first couple of times you try it – try reflecting on it, refining it, and trying again. Notice what comes up, and how those conversations go.
Try these out this week, and let us know how it goes – we’d love to hear from you.
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Building Bridges Leadership 