Who do you consider to be allies of yours? What makes them an ally? How is that different from being a friend? Do you consider yourself to be an ally of others? Who, and how?
On a local level, the term “ally” has taken on almost-singular meaning in the last decade. On the world stage it’s used in a more political sense (which countries are allies on which side of a war, or which politician is an ally to another), but the more local use of the term is usually used to describe someone who’s not a member of a particular marginalized or mistreated group but who expresses or gives support to that group.
But allyship is a thorny subject. Too often, in an attempt to show support we end up speaking over the marginalized voices, or centering the spotlight on ourselves rather than those we think we’re supporting. And self-ascribed allyship can be problematic – to call yourself an ally overlooks all the ways you have benefited from injustice yourself. We’re all biased and hold some racist beliefs – it’s the water we swim in. But it’s “both/and”, not either/or. We can work towards being an ally, but it’s a direction to move in, not a goal line we’ll ever cross.
Author and psychotherapist Resma Menakem (who specializes in the effects of trauma on the human body and the relationship between trauma, white body supremacy, and racism in America), says this to white “allies” of people of color: “When you try to tell me that you’re woke, or an ally, or not a racist, you actually communicate the opposite. You show me that I cannot, should not, and dare not trust you. You show me that you care more about your own self-image than you do about me. You show me that I cannot have an authentic relationship with you. And you show me that you think of me first and foremost not as Resmaa, but as a Black body.” Earlier in the same piece, he says, “No sane adult automatically believes what other people declare about themselves. … Any adult body of culture—indeed, any grownup of any skin tone—will judge your trustworthiness and commitment by your actions, not your declarations of being independent of other white folks…” (From Wokeness, White Allyship, and Respect.)
His thoughts are relevant to allyship in other areas of marginalization too – from queerness to learning differences, from socio-economic status to physical dis/ability. Actions speak louder than words – and some words can be detrimental.
Austin Channing Brown, author of I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness, and producer and host of The Next Question, has some suggestions on the Making it Work podcast for “white allies”, that again can be useful to extrapolate in other arenas beyond white/POC workplace situations, regardless of your own race:
“I should make a list one day like “101 Things White Allies Can Do in the Workplace.” But essentially I would say to be courageous. It takes a lot of courage for a black woman to say, “Here’s an injustice I’m experiencing. My team members keep cutting me off every time, I try to say something and contribute to the team,” but it also takes a lot of courage for a white person at that table to say, “You’re right, and I’m sorry, and I want you to call me out if I ever do that again, or I will call it out every time I see it, alongside you.” It takes a lot of courage for a white person to notice patterns of injustice and then say, “I’m not just gonna let that go anymore. I’m not gonna pretend to be blind to it, I’m not gonna pretend I don’t see it, I’m going to say something and I’m going to be considered a problem too.” And there are a million ways of doing that, of calling out the injustice, of being intentional about what you’re reading and you’re watching, of having really honest conversations with the Black folks about the work environment and keeping those sacred. … But like really taking a risk alongside the people of color that you love and expressing that love, as justice, at least as the pursuit of justice.”
This Week’s Tip:
Reflect on how you express support for members of marginalized groups to which you don’t belong. What actions have you taken in the past, and what actions are you currently taking? As you reflect, have grace for yourself for any ways your past actions feel uncomfortable or cringeworthy. Reflect on what didn’t work, what your intentions were, and how you would act differently if faced with the same situation again. As you reflect, what ideas do you have now to take action moving forward? What steps could you take proactively, even if it’s a matter of preparing for how you would respond to a situation should it arise? How have others acted as an ally for a group you belong to? How has that felt? What could you learn from that?
Try these out this week, and let us know how it goes! We’d love to hear from you.
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